1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater
You Might Also Like
♫ Hey there Delilah, what’s it like when u go grazing
I know u said you’re not a cow but girl this milk sure tastes amazing
Did u just moo ♫
I told my kids to sit Kriss Kross applesauce and now they’re jumping
Friend: You look different…younger…really great
Me: I had a little something done
Friend: *whispers* Face lift?
Me: Colonoscopy
Back in the old days you had to settle for someone within a 50 mile radius to love. Now with social media the whole world can disappoint you.
Hand lotion, or as I like to call it
“Sin sauce”
It’s so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself
to women.
I’ll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I’m eating on Instagram.
Me: Shout out to all my homies!
Homies: Stop shouting at us.
As a child, I thought that more recipes would call for Eyes Of Newt…
[invention of spaghetti]
Inventor: i made them very long
Wife: they still fit in a pot though right?
Inventor: lol no why