10’s homework question: “Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?”

His answer: “My mom.”

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In WWII soldiers left burlesque magazines around so if an enemy found it he’d yell “HOt DOG” then howl like a wolf & give away his position


Boyfriend’s on the phone talking to a guy about lattes and his love of peach scones.
I’m on the couch wondering when our periods synced.


If your human doesn’t feed you immediately, run in front of their feet and trip them up.
~Cats, apparently.


Now I find out my ground hands are actually called feet wtf is going on today


Oh no, my kid got upset at me and locked himself in his room. What ever will I do. Margarita anyone?


A Quiet Place (Family, 2018): heartwarming tale of parents who keep their kids quiet with the help of a murderous monster


We got two inches of snow last night and now I can’t find my Smart Car.


i can’t stop writing holiday rom com synopses so i guess i’ll just continue doing it until my hands fall off


A guy I know just posted “I’m relaxing today, don’t bother me” on Facebook, and let me tell you: I was going to bother him but now I’m not