I told my husband that our toddler won’t eat tomatoes and he asked why not, as if toddlers are normal human beings
13 Types of Regret You’ll Experience After Clicking on a Link to an Article That Won’t Live Up to its Exaggerated Headline
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My heart hurts when you’re not around
Pretending you’re dead to avoid conversation in the hospital is the worst way to learn how a defibrillator works.
We need a new term for “avoid it like the plague” because apparently people don’t do that
“Aww. You guys… And it’s not even my real birthday! #flattered .”
If I ever tell you to “Be the ball,” I’m not coaching you…I’m preparing you for my nine iron.
jerry would invest in crypto but gain nothing
george would invest and lose everything
kramer would become a billionaire
elaine would call them all stupid until she starts dating a crypto guy
My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.
My ex husbands Voicemail was a trick one where he’d say “Hello Hello, so you think he’d answered and that’s why he’s dead.
I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.