14 Valentine’s Day jokes that laugh in the face of Cupid

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Took the kids to the store yesterday to pick out their own Valentine’s gifts, so don’t tell me I’m not preparing them for marriage.


Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I’d say I’m about 74% Rice Krispies.


No one takes their job more seriously than the guy that glues down the start of the toilet paper roll.


[Google Search History]
1. Do raccoons like to cuddle?
2. What does rabies smell like?
3. I can’t feel my face.


Ooo! The morning weather girl…

Come on baby, give daddy the five day forecast.


When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T’s on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear.


Dinosaurs: hey Noah open up its starting to rain out here haha

Noah: [door lock noise]