@jonnysun
@Smooheed I’m no expert on bangs but I assume they’re not supposed to make you look like you have a raccoon stapled to your forehead
You Might Also Like
@Smooheed 
@Brianhopecomedy “Hi, I’d like a Junior McChicken and a cheeseburger please.”
“$3.23.”
“Oh, and a bottle of water.”
“$87.54. Please drive thru.”
@TylerLinkin Marries a mime. Lives quietly ever after.
@WilliamRodgers “Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?”
-Disney’s Frozen
I paused the movie to tweet this…
@1Happytwit Its raining, its pouring,
Working here is boring.
It hurts my head, wish I was dead,
I’m just gonna lay on the flooring.
@thepunningman Me: Janet’s boyfriend reminds me of Gandhi
Wife: He looks nothing like him
Janet’s bf: [tapping on car window] Don’t forget about Gandhi
@longwall26 A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he’s wearing TOMS and you can’t stop laughing.
@olivebeerthanks Today while in the bookshop I said to the lady behind the counter, “I’m looking for a book by Shakespeare”
She asked “Which one?”
Me “William, HELLO!”
@SentenceReduced Jurassic Park is still my favorite movie about giant electric fences.
@terrip38 The real holiday hell happens after the gifts are unwrapped and it’s time to read instructions and assemble things.