@KeetPotato

*1st date*
[be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3]
so where do y-
*internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*

You Might Also Like

@donni

Any TV can be a TV dinner if you eat TVs

@BriarSlyMalice

Believing that you are popular or “famous” on twitter…

…is like believing you are rich because you won a game of Monopoly.

@angeliav68

Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a little bit then give up and go look for food..

@TheDjinnTrials

Fun thing to say to your neighbors on the first meeting: I love the way your hair smells when you’re sleeping.

@Mardigroan

The conditioner I use is made with avocado oil. Not only is my hair soft, manageable, and shiny, but it also reminds me all day long about guacamole.

@KalvinMacleod

Good Cop: You’re going away for a long time, buddy.
NFL Cop: Don’t listen to him. Two games, tops.

@Marlebean

Oops, I “accidentally” left my in-laws at the grocery store. Darn. I guess I’ll just have to get them Monday on the way back to the airport.

@Smug_Lemur

A hammock is really cool until you try to get out of it. I’m going to have to live here now. Goodnight.

@AmberTozer

If a shark is ever attacking me I’m gonna be like where are your parents do they know you act like this