@kyry5

[1st date]
*hiding that I’m actually a Zamboni*

Date: Now that we’ve broken the ice-

Me: *nervously sweats while rolling across the floor*

You Might Also Like

@MomofTeen

Yes, I am a fully grown woman.

No, I won’t leave this ball pit.

@noog

If Christian Bale’s voice as Batman were any more throaty, that dude would be talking Arabic.

@AndyAsAdjective

“I missed you today.”

“Awwww I missed you too.”

*both frantically reload dueling pistols*

@MarkTConard

If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s how much we can do with our knuckles and elbows.

@AmishPornStar1

Ice cream is clearly God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

@Nips_00

Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.

@samalmightysam

I don’t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

@UnIxphysco

I’ll pleasure you in ways you never thought possible like vacuuming and doing dishes