*continues eating while receiving the Heimlich*
*hiding that I’m actually a Zamboni*
Date: Now that we’ve broken the ice-
Me: *nervously sweats while rolling across the floor*
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No, I won’t leave this ball pit.
If Christian Bale’s voice as Batman were any more throaty, that dude would be talking Arabic.
“I missed you today.”
“Awwww I missed you too.”
*both frantically reload dueling pistols*
If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s how much we can do with our knuckles and elbows.
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Ice cream is clearly God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
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I’ll pleasure you in ways you never thought possible like vacuuming and doing dishes