bringing a sharpie to IKEA and adding more dots to the names of their products
2-year-old: *stares at a pregnant lady in church*
Me: She has a baby in her tummy.
2: *whispering* She ate it.
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Huge, if true.
Nothing like suddenly seeing a spider on the ceiling to make you realize you don’t need a nap anyway.
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TRAILER ANNOUNCER: how far will one man go…..to protect what he loves
ME: [turning to person behind me] pretty far i bet