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@NikiWithIssues

Not enough drugs in the world that would make me strip in front of a webcam. But a bottle of wine should do it.

@TheTweetOfGod

THE TOP TEN WORDS OF 2012!!

1. End
2. Of
3. Year
4. Top
5. Ten
6. Lists
7. Are
8. Exercises
9. In
10. Stupidity

@crashcampbell84

They should make a sequel to that movie Clueless with just me trying to find the clitoris.

@GuyThe_Guy

So we agree when the zombies come we feed em the teenagers first, right?

@Lottie_Poppie

My daughter insisted she wanted a snowball fight in the dark so we waited till the sun set, got our torches out and ran around laughing and freezing in the garden. When I asked her if she’d had fun, she looked me in the eyes and said “no mummy, it was dark”

@atthecubicle

Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It’s pretty solid.

@FSUSteve

Michelle Obama should have dropped the mic and moonwalked out.

@Mr_goose007

Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks.

@FeralFerrell

Listen, I’m as surprised as you are that I have no murderous ex-lovers, but I was gifted (and/or cursed) with the ability to leave someone so tenderly they’re left thinking it was their idea, and wondering why they ever let me go.

@aaronasellars

If Usher ever worked in a theater, his nametag could be “Usher Usher.” I’m sorry for that joke but I’m actually addicted to the send button.