@atmylimitlol
@eff_yeah_steph Parenting is just putting throw pillows back on the couch every ten minutes until you die.
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@eff_yeah_steph 
@StruggleDisplay Hairstylist: So…whatcha thinkin?
Me: This…(shows pic of supermodel)
Hairstylist: Aww… bless your heart
@MaidOfBeans It looks like the world forgot to take its meds again.
@TheBoydP The look of dismay on my dog’s face tells me nothing is as unfair to dogs as when they’re chasing a bird and the bird flies off.
@jrza206 Actually told a girl who’s moving to France soon that “there’s lots of French people over there”. It’s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
@Writepop So because my friend helped me move, now I’m expected to go help him move? How is that fair?
@EJGomez jesus: hey dad
God: hey
jesus: happy Father’s Day
God: thanks bud
God: hey listen man so im gonna need u to die on a cross
@curlycomedy I honestly think we are asking too much of cauliflower.
@OutOfLeftField_ Opera is what happens when someone stabs you and instead of dying, you sing.
@StarWarsProblms Obi-wan: These aren’t the droids
Stormtrooper: They look like them
Obi: So all droids look the same to you?
Trooper: No, I-
Obi: Racist