20YR OLD ME: awww yeah! a new car!

30YR OLD ME: aww yeah! a new Xbox 360!

40YR OLD ME: aw yeah! a new shower curtain with a mildew-resistant liner!

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“Here’s Ted with the weather.”
“I said… Here’s Ted with the weather.”
“THAT’s what an unanswered text feels like, Sue.”


Anonymously I asked kids (aged 6) to write new years resolutions. Here are some favorites…
“Eat more butter”
“Build a mud hut”
“Learn to drive”
“Try my hardest at everything but not maths”
“Make a new language”
“Invent Google”


I don’t want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too.


Looking forward to Keanu Reeves making improvements to his home in the upcoming

Matrix: Renovations


Growing up was certainly the stupidest idea I had as a child.


I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say “Hey look…that one is shaped like an idiot”.


*at adoption center*

“Okay yeah they’re all great and all, but which one is the most photogenic for Facebook and stuff like that”


Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?