@ThatEricAlper
@dougbies All I did from 1984-1990 was try to shoot the laughing dog in Duck Hunt
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@dougbies 
@ShawnGarrett Perfecting my gay-nar. It’s an underwater homosexual detector.
@causticbob Most people think that being in your 50s is now classed as the new 30s.
Take my word for It, the police speed cameras think differently
@liljonlovitz GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK
HIS AGENT: gary that’s a bad idea—how’d you feel about a ghost writer?
GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT
@CatJacquesESPN Cake safety first. Always.
@jonnysun *paying $40 to go into a haunted house*
finally a peaceful refuge to get away from how scary the world is right now
@Tobi_Is_Fab fly smarter, not harder
@bogadafet *puts on sports bra*
Well, that’s enough exercise for today…
@shanethevein Funny how bullies only bully people who are susceptible to bullying.
They don’t bully people who’d throat punch em without thinking twice.
@evangeline_dawn Wife: What kind of pants should I wear on the boat?
Inventor of the Kayak: What if the boat WAS your pants?!