@TweetsByTheTony
@SardonicTart *Queen bee in hive*
“You, go pollinate flowers”
“You, go make some honey”
“You, go buzz around some humans and ruin their picnic lol”
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@SardonicTart 
@TheRolo I don’t know who you are, but if you don’t stop sending me phone books, I will find you…..and I will kill you.
@AbbieEvansXO Hairdresser: [holding up mirror] what do you think?
Me: [horrified] I love it
@KentWGraham I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is.
@BraandoCommando me: the most exercise I get is from sex
friend: but you’re so out of shape
@truegritrumble EMPLOYMENT AGENT: How did you get fired from your last job?
ME: I’m not going to lie, pretty easily.
@KellyMeldrum If I die before I wake, I died doing what I loved.
@TheAlexNevil I don’t trust a restaurant that advertises “Now with more bacon!” because it means they were holding out on me to begin with.
@internetluke Jeff is here!
“Jeff from work or Jeff the guy who announces his arrival anytime he enters a room”
Jeff is here!
@slimmy_shady I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, “I’m peeing in here!”