@IHideFromMyKids
@SortaBad [god designing humans]
Angel: there was a mix-up at the factory. The intestines are way too long
God: *stuffing em all in there* I got this
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@SortaBad 
@mgfkingslynn @truegritrumble @funTweeters The equivalent happened to my mate – he got a bag of carrots for his lunch, his daughter’s horse got his sandwiches
@TheRealNickKay SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever happened to my three younger brothers?
WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ….Chicken pox
@SirEviscerate *re-dials*
Hey girl, before I come over, did you say you were in a jacuzzi or the yakuza?
@LackOfShame Wanna know what 1000 marbles spilling on a tile floor sounds like?
Have kids.
@Lerky Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests?
Dj: Yes.
M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.
@AshGamesAcct #WeirdThingsToBeAfraidOf Whatever KitKat comes up with next
@OtherDanOBrien ME: (signing) What color are apples?
BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison
ME: (writing) Still struggling with colors
@_TeaChap Scientology, because even Jehovah Witnesses need something to laugh at after a hard day of knocking on doors.
@BlackCatBettie You and I share a very special connection.
*I’m parked outside your house using your Wi-fi.