@WheelTod If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen
@frogbunnie 6:There’s a monster under my bed
Me:That’s silly! There’s no such thi..OH GOD IT’S EATING MY ARM
6:SCREAMS
ME:KIDDING it only eats kids
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@WheelTod 
@yoyoha How long does Netflix have to be down before they send someone to your house to stroke your hair & tell you everything’s going to be alright
@ericsshadow SON: I’m moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can’t stop me.
ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.
@TheTweetOfGod Atheists are Popeless romantics.
@BareChesty I like long walks away from everyone
@HomeProbably Stranger danger is a very real thing.
They nearly always react badly to proposals.
@juneohara65 *puts on strapless bra
*takes an extra Prozac
@frogbunnie 6:There’s a monster under my bed
Me:That’s silly! There’s no such thi..OH GOD IT’S EATING MY ARM
6:SCREAMS
ME:KIDDING it only eats kids
@jenlaw_11 “You are what you eat” I whisper to myself as I pour my dead dog’s ashes into my cat’s food bowl
@CallousBalzac My spirit animal is this 9 yo, so calm and polite during girl sleepover drama, who just told me “literally, nothing is interesting to me”.