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9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big rack. The 10th prefers the other 9 men.

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@amburgklur

Just think: right now, your body is cookin’ up some poop.

@MorganJ7

Roses are brown,
Violets are brown,
Daisies are brown,

I’m a terrible gardener.

@Thing_Finder

Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said “So sorry man. Hope things work out.”

@trevso_electric

I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather’s pubic hair than “pull an all-nighter” with you.

@xkattxhca

2 pacs of eminems for 50 cents? Man that’s Ludacris

@fluffysuse

Oh, you have ‘haterz.’

Congratulations. I have lovers. And the ability to spell.

@GloriaFallon123

The coolest thing ever would be someone writing a song about you. Unless in the song they called you a “roly-poly little bat-faced girl.”

@SouthernStylin1

Either that loud scream was a patient yelling for help or Fred pulled the string on the bird’s tail for quitting time-

Why my cw hates me

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I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.