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Me: *cooking a Caribbean meal*
Her: smells great in there, and I hear you’re playing a little steel drum music to get us in the mood
Me: *frantically scraping cremated jerk chicken from pan* steel drum music, yes
[about to climb Mt. Everest]
Me: omg is there no parking ?
My kid: Ohana means family and family means no body gets left behind
Me: I don’t care what ohana means, you have 5 seconds to get your shoes on or we’re leaving without you
The kitchen trash will be overflowing and my kids will keep stacking garbage on top like they’re playing Jenga.
The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling “It’s OK! There’s nothing wrong! You don’t need to come up here”
Me: Who’s a good boy?
Dog: I thought we settled this.
Interviewer: How many words can you type a minute?
Me: Given a full minute I could probably type any word
When you text “Hugs” to someone and autocorrect decides what they really need is a lesson in particle physics and changes it to “Higgs”.
Sorry I forgot your birthday but I thought we’d stop being friends long before it got here.
If you’re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.