Blackberry just announced a new CEO, but the most newsworthy part of this story is that Blackberry still exists.
You Might Also Like
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. There’s nothing more endearing than happy people applauding themselves.
Alfijnbahkfnbsbbakrbbjdnebzk hzueonyvag macarena yrvixndvwhkga ndhwkdbcbe hayvektoubabrjnahor
HEYYYY MACARENA
If you don’t want your kids to leave the bathroom light on all the time don’t ask them to wash their hands so much duh.
“someone broke into your room… and peed on you while you were asleep”
me: that’s right, officer
[at a funeral home]
ME: One death please
I needed some gas for my mower so I snuck over to my neighbor’s shed, on the gas can there was a note that said it’s empty go get your own gas Marc. So I took his mower instead.
Me: Did you throw your carrot-sticks in the grass?
3yr old: No, the crow did it
Me: You know you must always tell the truth, right? Fibs are bold
3yr old: *points out window
Me: *See’s crow stealing and flinging carrot-sticks in the grass
3yr old: It’s nice to say sorry.
After 12 years of marriage we no longer spoon. We chopstick.
I think Diane knows I was her Secret Santa at this morning’s office party, because this afternoon I had to borrow my stapler back from her.
My parents: before you leave the house you should always go pee!
Me, as a kid:. No! I don’t need to go!
Me, in my 40’s: yeah I see what you mean!
Easy there, Jedi. Convincing me to add wings to my pizza order isn’t a mind trick.
I don’t know who this Rorschach guy is, but he sure likes drawing pictures of my parents not being proud of me!
*professes my undying love to my microwave*
*microwave sets itself on fire*
Do I consider myself to be mentally stable? Buddy, I don’t even have a horse…
If they don’t teach the periodic table during it then they shouldn’t call it elementary school.
Stop asking me about my five year plan.
Let me eat my pizza in peace and denial.
A period can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
She has her umbrella.
She has her period.
I have way less energy than your average haunted doll.
What Abba never mentioned is that Dancing Queen is really a figurehead position. All the real power is in the hands of Dancing Parliament.
Husband: The kids better not find out you ate their desserts.
Me in deep voice: Dead…men…tell…no…tales.
Wife: I just want a honest opinion of my outfit
Me *signing her up to a rap battle* and you’ll get one
Was told I can’t use Wi-Fi at McDonald’s unless I eat. So I am bringing a peanut butter sandwich.
When the battle starts, but it’s also laundry day
How badly am I doing? I’m considering pretending to have a podcast so I can ask my internet crush to come on it
M: that’s
O: not
R: how
O: acronyms
N: work
[Court]
ME: You expect us to believe your alibi — that everybody’d gone surfin’? Surfin’ USA?
BEACH BOYS: *sweating* Y-yeah
ME: Then how do you explain this?! *I hold up a picture showing that everybody was kung-fu fighting*
Remember that decades long January? We didn’t know how good we had it.
me: my girlfriend’s a model
him: oh yeah what kind?
me: papier-mâché