That Gollum game was never going to be great but damn if this isn’t the funniest “alpha footage vs final release” since maybe the first Watch Dogs
You Might Also Like
Bruh. Did y’all know bears DON’T HAVE collarbones and can fit through your DOGGY DOOR?
Because I didn’t.
Pregnancies really fly by when they are someone else’s
Dear Televised Sports Injury,
We saw it the first time.
Thanks.
[Swims out to Sea]
*sees shark*
OH NO!
*dolphins save me*
Thanks dolphins!
*dolphins ask for a tip
[I’m broke]
*they return me to the shark*
Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for martinis
The hubs accidentally shrunk a shirt of mine…guess I have no choice but to accidentally shrink a paycheck of his😎
Before you get involved with another person, ask yourself: Is this someone I can see myself cropping out of pictures later?
I hate when people talk down to me like I don’t already know I’m an idiot.
Dogs are lucky because no one cares when they bite people who antagonize them. Even after a warning, people still freak out when I do it.
[stopped by cop]
Cop: License & registration
Me *slurring my words*
Cop: Have you been drinking sir?
Me: No, this is just who I am b4 coffee
I waitress because if I don’t get screamed at twice a day about condiments, I don’t feel like I have put in an honest days work.
I wanted to feel like a kid again so I soaked every towel getting out of the shower and trashed the bathroom.
“Service Dog, Do Not Pet.” We’re sure this means me? Should we ask the dog? We should ask the dog.
Finally, a door that understands me
Exposed Ashley Madison users feel hurt & betrayed, unsure if they can ever trust again.
[stays up all night examining my issues and identifying which descriptors best express my feelings of dysregulation]
the second i get to therapy:
idk I just feel blah
watching annie with the kids and now they want me to put them in an orphanage so a wealthy person can adopt them
“Dogs are assholes”
DOG PERSON: YOU’RE an asshole!
“Cats are assholes”
CAT PERSON: Yeah
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping and the other third making viral videos.
My 1-year-old has been beeping at me all morning.
I thought there was something wrong with her.
Turns out she’s being R2-D2.
“I don’t care how goodlooking you are if you don’t have any brains.” -Zombies
Prayers for my husband, he married one of those “it’s my birthday month” people.
You’ve just gotta remember, some things don’t work out so you can make room for the things that will.
If both don’t work out…eat a cake.
If my husband doesn’t convert my ashes to ink and get me tatoo’ed into his flesh, I am coming back to dampen his socks for eternity.
Someday I’d love to treat my wife to some luxury items, like a BMW, a Louis Vuitton bag, or genuine HP ink cartridges.
me *dead*: at least I don’t have to pay student loans
*Gets e-mail* We see your living status has changed. Click to update your loan info.
This is my bus stop.
we’ve tasted blood now. celebrities must fight to the death for the oscars from now on
Bit chilly again tonight.
My favorite thing about eating at a traditional Italian restaurant is getting a side of pasta with my pasta