I have a joke about trickle down economics.
99% of you won’t ever get it.
You Might Also Like
There’s no need to panic; Taco Bell is offering free gas with every meal
looking for a buddy to go together on knuckle tats:
[P][E][R][S] [O][N][A][L]
[P][A][N][P] [I][Z][Z][A]
I’ve been waiting for this moment and it has finally happened.
I got a paper review back saying I need to familiarise myself more with the works of Heejung Chung and that my work should engage more with her work.
[meeting]
Boss: What do you think?
Me: I think we need to get out in front of this. If we’re not on top of it, it will roll over us and we’ll never get out from under it. Can everybody get behind that?
Boss: You’re not allowed to talk anymore.
Told all my coworkers I shaved my beard but that was a bald-faced lie
Cinco de Mayo means five of mayonnaise in Spanish.
kid: mom, have you seen my bag of candy?
mom: i ate it
kid: what?! mom i walked 7 blocks for that
mom: *glaring* i was in labor for day and a half when i had you
kid: oh god no i-
mom: *stepping closer* i pooped on the doctor’s hand
[crab overhears the words ‘crab cakes’]
*applauds with tiny crab clawed excitement* oooh cakes for crabs
[crab sees the crab cakes]
oh no. oh god no.
Stupid seal at the zoo would not sing “kiss by a rose.” REFUND!
Marriage is telling your partner they’re wrong but in an optimistic way.
[giving commencement address at graduation]
“My fellow graduates, the best life advice I have is: if you don’t already know how many calories are in a tortilla, never look it up”
Apparently everyone on the zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.
Mrs. Kowalski left the class mortified, unable to believe just how badly she’d misinterpreted what they had meant by Pole dancing.
You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.
Cashier: Will that be all?
Me: No. I’m getting everything like an easter egg hunt, I just wanted to show you what I’ve got so far.
*impulsively buys a private island
*frolics on the island for several weeks
*gets Mastercard bill in the mail
WHAT THE F–oh yeah the island
Life Tip: If you’re ever attacked by a shark, compliment his smile. Sharks are very vain and susceptible to flattery.
How am I today? Well it’s officially day four of me arguing in my mind with a person who took my spot in line for party balloons
Salad is being recalled. Do you know what’s never been recalled? Oreos.
The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do that would shock me is to come out on stage wearing a sensible pantsuit from Talbots.
I listen to your prayers, but only to correct their grammar.
*Makes joke on Twitter*
*5 Retweets*
*Makes same joke on Facebook*
*5 comments from aunts saying that the joke was inappropriate*
britain’s three elite institutions
I should probably just learn a skill instead of waiting around for a malevolent spirit to take over my consciousness or whatever.
“You’re prettier than I remember, you were SO FAT the last time I saw you!”
TY Uncle Bob, I was 8months pregnant. *spits in his pumpkin pie
My manipulation started when I was young and I realized I could pretend to be asleep and someone would carry me to my bed.
When you’re not sure if people keep waving at you you might need to ease up on the hellocinogens
I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years…
there’s like 20 ppl on this flight and i asked the flight attendant for as much wine as he’s allowed to give me n he was like “holidays are rough buddy they’ll get better” dude i have flight anxiety im not a white woman in a romcom this speech isn’t necessary