Are they bowling to earn soup or bowling on behalf of soup
You Might Also Like
An hour of interrogation later and the cat still has not revealed the location of the 4 missing puzzle pieces
I often find myself singing in the shower, which can be extremely frightening. Is he a clone!? What is this place! SOMEBODY HELP ME.
I was having a shitty Thursday. Then my ex texted me. Now I’m having a shitty Valentine’s Day as well.
Saw a used kettle I liked on eBay. It said “needs filter”, but I thought the picture of it was fine as is.
I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.
I know we haven’t talked in awhile but I’ve been thinking about us a lot and I was wondering if u remembered the name of that burrito place
[sharing a cold one with the guys]
“It’s my turn to hold the penguin now”
My wife says I’m too trusting. At least he says he’s my wife.
Sugar is cheap. I want an avocado daddy.
Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up
They say you become what you hate and so I am terrified I’m going to become a young, vibrant beautiful man who’s loathful life is full of undeserved luck and success.
Give em an enchilada, they’ll take a milechilada.
Imagine owning a dragon…now set yourself on fire, because that’s what it would be like to own a dragon.
Idiots
no bro, *you* live in a society. I live with my parents
Her: omg are you crying over puppy videos?
Him: dammit woman, I’m the Headless Horseman, not the Heartless Horseman
*throws dash of glitter in with the credit card bill* payback, baby
Your bio says you’re 29, your selfies suggest you slept with Hemingway.
a bat optometrist making me yell down a hallway
Leaving your home without your smart phone is modern day camping. You’re out there in the wild with no way of making contact with anyone, roughing it up on your way to pick up dry cleaning.
Why is it wealthy people can refuse to pay their bills and suffer no consequences, but if I don’t pay my electr
Him: This is an awful Thanksgiving meal… The turkey is touching the green beans!
Me: It’s not what you think, they’re just friends.
Never have I ever… rushed out of my house pretending I had to be somewhere & drove around neighborhood to get somebody to leave.
My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room , dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence
The outskirts implies the existence of the inpants.
[ first date ]
her: i like a man who plans financially for the future
me: i swallowed $9.13 this morning that i won’t be able to spend until later
Working from home is the best. Whenever I take off my bra at the office, people get so weird.
I thought about giving up my sexual innuendo tweets but it’s too hard.
A gym so fancy they call it a James.
“You busy tonight?”
Me: That 100% depends on what you’re about to say next.
[hitchhiking]
Driver: I hope you’re not a serial killer, haha
Me *getting in*: well, I wouldn’t say ’serial‘