Man Derives Depressing Amount Of Pride From Hometown Burger Chain
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me: my mom says i’m not allowed out after dark
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1. Love butter
2. Shy eyes
3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual
4. Brown hair
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ME: [raises hand]
PROFESSOR: [wheeling cadaver table away from me] I meant your own hand
Me: *nods in agreement
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Me: *about to go into a meeting*
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MY DAD: Ugh fine.
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DAD: Open this one.
ME: ITS A- shoe? It’s one shoe.
DAD: Now open this one.
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Me: Oh my God! You can talk!
Bird *tapping his Bluetooth ear piece*: I missed what you said, some jackass is shouting at me.
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