[spelling bee]
Your word is “pneumonia”.
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
Of course, you can use any word in a sentence. No more hints.
You Might Also Like
“Hi, I’m here for Paradox Club.”
-Actually this is Oxymoron Club.
“Ok, same difference.”
*looks at group*
-Oh, this guy is good.
I want to follow a random family around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all of their photos.
If someone says they like something, responding with “You would” is a highly efficient put-down. In just two words, you’ve implied that a) the thing they like sucks, and b) they have predictably bad taste. Work smarter, not harder.
[first day as a chiropractor]
assistant: all your patients are complaining
me: I mean…it’s my first day, I’m still trying to get the hang of it
assistant: ok, but do you really have to sing “baby got back” every time?
Fairies dart around the room to collect eraser shavings of mistakes you’ve made from the day. “I can’t carry anymore”, complains one. “How can this all be from ONE person?!” cries another, sweating profusely.
guys I’m going home
Can’t. I’m outside getting free lasik surgery.
Witch: I don’t get it. I build an enticing candy house… Why won’t these kids eat it?
[Gestures toward her candy house which is crawling with ants]
Black cat: You got me boss
English would be much easier to learn if the guy who came up with the word “waterfall” was in charge of inventing all new words
captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna
1st mate: dont you mean sonar
captain (already in towel): full steam ahead
Nobody’s abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa.
My kids forgot the name of the game Marco Polo so they are currently playing Mario Luigi at the pool.
If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.
*opens front door to see Christmas carolers singing
Please, I have a family
Hangin with my peeps at the club. Biting their heads off, one by one. Enjoying their marshmallow deliciousness.
me at 26: i am a hideous troll
me at 28: *looking at a picture of myself at 26* wow what beauty i once possessed but i wasted it because now i am a hideous troll
me at 30: *looking at a picture of myself at 28* guys, you’re not gonna believe this,
Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead.
Her: Where do you work?
Me (trying to get laid): I’m a Doctor…
Her: *starts choking on food*
Me: …on a TV show
inside you there are two wolves. one snores like “honk shoo honk shoo honk shoo.” the other one snores like “hooooonk mi mi mi”
*carves turkey
*puts candle inside and places it on doorstep
“Night shift again, Harry?”
“Someone has to patrol the streets.”
“Get you something to eat?”
“How’s the tuna today?”
“Edible.”
“I’ll have a sammich then, Doreen.”
“You got it, hon. Back in a jiffy.”
❒Single
❒Taken
✔ This claim is disputed!
I’m not afraid of spiders.
I’m afraid of people who are afraid of spiders.
Please stop screaming and put down the hammer.
The best way to express your disagreement is by slapping people with a fish.
ex-girlfriend: why are you here? don’t you have any other place to be?
me pretty sure I left my day planner in her apartment: that’s what I wanna know
My wife and I have decided we don’t want to have children.
So we are going to tell them tonight at dinner.
fedex guy: here’s ur package
me: thanks
fedex guy: sign please
me: [blushing] Pisces
I talk a lot of shit for someone whose immune system interprets my ear piercings as a threat.
Ignorance is not bliss. It’s just a fancy word for stupid.