@Cpin42

A cartoon bear needs me to prevent forest fires, Becky. That’s why I can’t go to your stupid wedding.

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@k8ieokay

“Don’t you understand the basics of cuddling? You don’t struggle and I don’t hurt you.”

@jwoodham

DATING TIP: When your crush texts you, win them over by playing hard to get. Throw your phone in a river. Change your name. Move to Belgium.

@weinerdog4life

Jake from State Farm lives with us now, our house is full of khaki pants, he is making khaki pants for dinner.

@bazecraze

Making fun of someone’s age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you’re standing a little further down the tracks.

@Im_Tricia

Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I’m done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.

@stahhboy

When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I’m a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.

@Baileymoon15

jerry would invest in crypto but gain nothing

george would invest and lose everything

kramer would become a billionaire

elaine would call them all stupid until she starts dating a crypto guy

@TitansHomer

MTV stopped having their “Unplugged” specials because the shitty artists we have now can’t play any instruments.

@theB6Chronicles

WHAT DO WE WANT!?

A forum for passive aggressive behavior!

WHEN do we want it?

NOW would be great but you seem busy sooo whatever.