The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
A Clinton is running for POTUS, a Jurassic Park movie dominated the summer box office, and they found a knife on OJ’s property. It’s 1994.
You Might Also Like
WIFE: You can’t tell kids they’re grounded anymore
ME: Why not?
W: They weren’t our kids
M: You did see how badly they packed our groceries?
I don’t have a go-bag, but if I did, it would contain absolutely everything I could possibly need and I would leave it at home.
Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable.
In response to McDonald’s pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH.
One day I hope to be doing so well that people accuse me of being a clone
There’s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed…
SALMON: Who has been spreading gossip I thought I could trust you two
TROUT: I don’t know, who could it be?!
BIG MOUTH BASS: Yeah, who??
The man I married can land a fly on a trout’s snout.
The man I married says it’s not ON the snout, but AHEAD of the snout.
The man I married doesn’t allow imprecise compliments.
Me with megaphone: “COME DOWN FROM THERE. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.”
Man: “I’m fixing your roof tiles, remember?”
Me: “I FORGOT!”