A grilled cheese sandwich has never sent mixed signals, just saying

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the racists in this town are so proud of their lack of pigmentation you’d think they had actually chose it themselves 🙂


Reduce your kids intake of sugary, fizzy drinks by shaking up the can before handing it to them.


Just found out my wife is pregnant.

Considering we haven’t had sex in two years, we’ve decided to name him Jesus


Just saw I am Legend for the first time and found it completely implausible when there was no reference to any toilet paper shortage.


Grab and smash, smash and grab such is time spent in a mammogram


My ex wife’s husband is a pretty cool guy. I’m looking forward to the day she ruins his life so we can talk about what a bitch she is.


THE INVENTOR OF KUNG FU FIGHTING: what if I told you that you could be fast as lightning and just a little bit frightening


On average, a person has sex 86 times a year. Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a week.


Taking my dog out in below zero weather brings one thought to mind. I should have gotten a cat.