A group of teenagers is called a suspicion.
You Might Also Like
*6 hours of Russian roulette*
Me: “I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun.”
Technically, it’s not road rage once you pull into their living room.
Ask Jesus if he loves me, but be cool about it.
If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.
*running from the cops at night* DAMN THESE LIGHT-UP SHOES.
Son got a RC drone for Christmas. Used it twice and never touched it again. I’ve become a bit of an expert on it chasing the neighbour’s cat out the garden when he comes for a dump. I can get the drone on and out the window in thirty seconds and chase him across six gardens.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.
Neighbor: Nice. I got-
Me: I know. I watched you guys open everything.
this is why you should always wash behind your ears
anytime I light a candle I immediately picture a firefighter explaining to my neighbors how it happened
remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life
The story of the Titanic speaks to me because I once tripped over a bag of ice at a party & then killed over 1,500 people.
King sized beds are tricky. Although you get more bed room, you also get less bedroom.
Dating Profile – Don’t listen to what my wife says, I’m really pretty nice.
I meant to type “I look forward to seeing you soon.” Unfortunately, one of our biggest clients is going to receive an email that ends with “I look forward to seeing you poop.”
My family doesn’t get together a lot during the holidays.
We see each other enough throughout the year at all the interventions.
Son: I’m gay, dad.
Dad: no I’m gay dad
Dad #2: no I’m gay dad
Me, on phone with mom, “I’m drinking a glass of rose’ paired with a warm, toasted strawberry crumble.”
Husband, “You’re drinking wine from a box and eating a pop tart.”
Me, finger to my mouth, “Shhhh….”
Hey kids, please don’t wash the 13 glasses you’ve already left in the sink. Just grab a clean one next time you’re thirsty.
Okie dokie folks *pokes around the ol’ computer* I think I’m in the “dark web.” Do I use tabs or open stuff in a new win- HOLY SMOKES THAT’S NOT HOW YOU USE A PAN FLUTE
Has anyone tried throwing 2020 in some rice?
I would’ve been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said “I don’t do romance” I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE
back in ancient times they had to come up with gods to explain environmental phenomena, such as lightning, which was said to be from lightning bolts thrown by zeus. now that we have modern science, we know that lightning comes from pikachus
*fashions codpiece out of grilled cheese sandwich*
Wife: it’s still NO!
If a bear wears shoes and socks he still has bear feet.
Yes I will purchase the anti-ageing cream that costs 100’s of dollars because the results on those 20 year old models is just miraculous.
“Well, you only live once.”
– Guy, convincing himself to skydive“Well, you only live once.”
– Me, convincing myself not to skydive
I’m so poor, the ducks are throwing bread at me.
#RubbishJokes #DadJokes
My teen thought it’d be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.