@JoleenDoreen

A guy asked me out!
Well, a guy asked me if I was going to be the same place he is.

FINE, my boss called to see if I was coming to work.

You Might Also Like

@5hael

I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.

@

Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you’re dating an onion and not a man.

@s1lenus

Surgeon: scalpel.

[patient hands him scalpel]

Surgeon: oh shit! Lol. You’re supposed to be asleep.

@Alex_N_Chains

Stop writing so much funny shit, people. I’ve been dishing out stars today like a first grade teacher on meth.

@david8hughes

[wife crosses out another baby name off the list]
What? What’s wrong with Carlos Danger Grenades?

@wilw

I think the blue states should get the taco trucks first, and the red states have to wait, because elections have consequences.

@Browtweaten

[placing hand on my boss’s casket] who can’t think outside the box now

@YasmeenMS

‘You have an important event coming up? OwmeeGod, count me in!’ -pimples.