@QuickandSisi
@Shariv67 No one is reading any of these tweets. Feel free to unburden yourself. I murdered a drifter once. Wow. That feels great. Now you.
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@Shariv67 
@Cpin42 “FINISH HIM,” I scream, as Nana takes the last bite of her gingerbread man.
@MarfSalvador [Surprise party for girlfriend]
Me: *Leading her in blindfolded*
GF: Shouldn’t I be wearing that?
@mommeh_dearest Hey Mommy can you spend an hour building this intricate race track only for me to tell you I don’t want to play with it after all?
-every kid ever
@Jesssicle The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it’s not in my way.
@2questionable Bathe your child in lavender soap before bed so you’re both nice and relaxed before you lose your mind when they won’t go to sleep.
@Maxine12333 Unscramble: pnise
If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long.
@abbycohenwl You’re only as old as the sounds you make when you get out of the car
@Smooheed Stop screaming! I thought you’d appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower
@PanicRestroom Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down.