A lot of people wonder if u have to choose between a creative career and making money, and I just wanna say stick with it long enough & you can have neither 🙏

You Might Also Like


ME: I need you to look at my balls, doc *removes pants*
DR: Ok what seems to be the problem?
ME: *swivels hips sensually* Nuthin


I don’t care if you’re black or white… old or young… rich or poor… male or female… there comes a moment in everyone’s life when you raise your glass and realize… the damn coaster is still stuck to it…


And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance…

Barista: Sir your Caffè Mocha is ready.

Me: Oh ok nevermind.


Hey Febreze, I don’t go around with garbage in my car, but if nobody could tell I just smoked a joint in there, I might buy some.


Fact: Whiskey works for some illnesses because you get the illness drunk and it stumbles out of your body.


50 years ago, nerds were smart. Now a nerd is just someone who likes Star Wars and eats a lot of cereal.


My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I’m the town doctor.


Wait just one second … Brits don’t have outlets in their bathrooms? It’s illegal?? How do you charge your phone? Dry your hair? Prep your electric razor? Watch tv? Toast your PopTarts?


every time someone says “i’m aware” i always wait a couple seconds in case they add “wolf”