A master’s degree gives you the ability to speak with withering authority about why you didn’t finish your Ph.D.

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No parent wants to see their child grow up and join a cult or a cable news political panel.


[firing squad]
Captain: Any last words?
Prisoner: Why, yes. I’d like to speak with you for a moment about gun control.


Friend: You sent her off to her first day of Kindergarten! Did you cry?
Me: Of course I cried. I’ve been waiting to feel this kind of freedom for five and a half years.


It’s wildly known that all the great artists of the renaissance era loved eating pizza in sewers.


Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger’s engagement proves that not only is love blind, it’s also deaf.


Thank you to all the people who tweet landscape pictures so we don’t forget what it looks like outside



So, what are you in for?

*flashes back to trying to collect and breed crows*

“Attempted murder”