Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges
A mattress will double in weight after six years, just like everything else I sleep with!
You Might Also Like
During fireworks is the best time to shoot someone.
Kids today will never know the struggle of flipping a cassette tape in a Walk-Man will riding on a bicycle at the same time.
The best thing about coming from a big family is being able to talk louder than normal people.
Fox Mulder, age 6: *looks under pillow* MOM! IT DISAPPEARED!
Mom: the Tooth Fairy took it, dear
Fox: you mean… the tooth is out there?
If I’m guilty of anything it’s that I care too much, that and murder
Me: my biggest strength is listening attentively
Interviewer: ok but I asked what you knew about the company
Welcome to 50, where your body says no to you far more than you have the energy to say it to your kids.
I wonder if bon jovi eventually made it the whole way there
[after a date getting dropped off at my gingerbread house]
me: I’d invite you upstairs but I recently ate my furniture