@kiralc
@UNDEADTRESOR Let’s agree that if we’re both not married in ten years we’ll sew our cats together to make one big SuperCat.
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@UNDEADTRESOR 
@Reverend_Scott THIS IS THE COPS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
“No”
WE WON’T ASK AGAIN
“No”
Ok guys, let’s go. We can’t ask again
@LemmingDad When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they’re saying the names of Ikea furniture.
@HeresCunty I bought a small box on amazon and unsurprisingly it came in a large box
@slimmy_shady The travel toothbrush has to be the greatest invention ever. Can you imagine having to lug around one of those regular heavy ones?
@Quartzjixler *aggressively puts Hello Kitty stickers on random Harley Davidsons*
@TheCatWhisprer *opens camera app on phone*
*35 cats scurry under the couch*
@Thateverydayguy Spiders: Nature’s reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl.
@UnIxphysco I’ll pleasure you in ways you never thought possible like vacuuming and doing dishes
@Reverend_Scott [at Applebees on Christmas]
God: Your food good?
Jesus: Ya, it-
*a crowd of servers surrounds them*
Jesus: You didn’t…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y