Let’s agree that if we’re both not married in ten years we’ll sew our cats together to make one big SuperCat.
a murder of crows, a troop of monkeys, a pod of dolphins, a herpe of Kardashians
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THIS IS THE COPS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE WON’T ASK AGAIN
Ok guys, let’s go. We can’t ask again
When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they’re saying the names of Ikea furniture.
I bought a small box on amazon and unsurprisingly it came in a large box
The travel toothbrush has to be the greatest invention ever. Can you imagine having to lug around one of those regular heavy ones?
*aggressively puts Hello Kitty stickers on random Harley Davidsons*
*opens camera app on phone*
*35 cats scurry under the couch*
Spiders: Nature’s reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl.
I’ll pleasure you in ways you never thought possible like vacuuming and doing dishes
[at Applebees on Christmas]
God: Your food good?
Jesus: Ya, it-
*a crowd of servers surrounds them*
Jesus: You didn’t…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y