@_NTFG_
@Smug_Lemur Arguing w him is like playing Pictionary w/ the person who draws one weird little shape and just keeps circling it over and over and over.
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@Smug_Lemur 
@nPhelendriqal Ughh…7 more hours till I can go home. Oh, sorry, my Canadian friends…7 more Kilometers till I can go home. Or is it liters?
@SchmuckOnAHorse Her (seductively): Anything special you want tonight for your birthday?
Me: You know what I like in bed, baby.
Her:
Me: *winks*
Her: *leaves the ceiling fan on*
@Bandersnaaatch “I’ll never forget you!” I yelled to what’s his name.
@leehopkins Anti-gay preacher comes to Iceland. Locals buy all tickets to his event in Reykjavik, and then don’t turn up, leaving empty arena. Class.
@primawesome Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope.
@fillthevacuum Someone gave me a star as a gift. I’m planning on sprucing it up with some planets and asteroids and using it as a summer vacation spot.
@Thynebear [buying condoms] Do you have anything bigger? Like if someone wanted to pretend to be a slippery ghost for a day, or something like that.
@LoveNLunchmeat If you’re a cannibal, it’s technically hunting, not murder.
@BobTheSuit Whenever I read that a suspect is cooperating with investigators I picture them being helpful in the interrogation room. Tidying up. Providing light conversation.