@batkaren HIM: You know what we should do at our wedding reception?
[at the same time]
ME: Murder-suicide
HIM: The chicken dance!
@Lisabug74 A pile of inside out bathing suits can be found by the rotisserie chickens because I couldn’t find a dressing room at Costco.
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@batkaren 
@KattsDogma If I owned a Brazilian waxing joint, I’d call it Pubic’s Cube or The Razor’s Edge or Hedging Your Bets or Getting a Leg Up or Bush League or
@Smethanie The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist’s hands in my mouth today. #survivor
@kelkulus “That’s what” – She
@brianbowman73 We were watching The Discovery Channel on the couch.
I was naked.
She was afraid.
I guess I should have probably introduced myself first.
@GoodZiIIa me: do you guys still give lollipops after sticking in the needle?
drug dealer: what?
@MelvinofYork She said “you’re dead to me” but I suspect she’s planning to make me dead to everyone else as well
@IDontSpeakWhine My daughter is pissed because I made her miss a forensics club meeting for a dentist appointment and the way she’s staring at me suggests that she’s plotting a way to use her forensic knowledge on me.
@13spencer 🎶Summer lovin’, had me a blast
Summer lovin’ is especially sweaty🎶
@CryitoutMom The microwave really puts 1 minute into perspective, doesn’t it?