A pronoun referring to a specific thing previously mentioned, known, or understood.
That.
You Might Also Like
Making a password as a teen: dolphinsarecool
Making a password as an adult: Dolphinsarecool!2
Don’t you love it when you’re doing a nude selfie in a leather harness and you accidentally press answer on your mom’s face time?
I don’t think that she is afraid of that tiny cockroach…
… I think she just need an excuse to stand on top of furniture & scream at me.
“We don’t dry dishes, Mom, that’s air’s job” annoying kid logic that you’re secretly proud of.
Pediatricians should write complementary prescriptions for parents so that when we inevitably wake up with the same thing as our child we can be more prepared.
Daughter: we’re both wearing vests again!
Me: that makes us vest friends!
Daughter: vest friends forever!
Me:
Daughter:
Me: HAHAHAHA!
Daughter: HAHAHAHA!
Wife: did you buy those just so you can make that joke with her?
Me: i’m invested in our relationship : )
*deals poker hand*
peacock that’s just looked at his cards:[giant feathers start spreading triumphantly]
everyone, at exactly the same time: fold
I let people think I take the stairs to be fit but really I’m just scared of elevators
“Mommy when I grow up, I want to be a shoe”
-straight up killin’ it at this parenting thing
Americans 1776: We’re going to fight for Revolution!
Americans 1939: We’re going to fight for world peace!
Americans 2020: We’re going to fight for toilet paper!
My EarPods died 5 minutes into my walk so I’m going home to watch TV. It was a sign. Exercise is stupid.
I love that technology has advanced so much that Alexa can understand me with my mouth full of crisps
Call me when you have $50,000 and you’ll get your little girl back. Call in the next five minutes and I’ll throw in a second kid as a gift.
Goodnight moon
Goodnight room
Goodnight wifi connected devices
Goodnight CIA
To the girl with the nazi swastika avi that just rt’d me…… You just rt’d a Jew!!!! Enjoy your evening shalom
Stick with me and you’ll go places.
None of them good, but still.
Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour.
Show me where it says it’s illegal for me to screaming “I’m an Aardvark” while running in the middle of the road. That’s what I thought
Technically, setting someone on fire is burning calories.
Why non-smokers don’t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
lost my job at Red Lobster for saying crabsolutely too much
I’ve just used glitter spray paint in a confined space, and now I’m on another planet busting disco moves with an intoxicated pixie.
Him: How’d you get so cute?
Me: I-I-my gosh, I really don’t know. I’m not very good at biology.
Keep microwaving fish in the office and stop wondering why you never get a desk by the windows.
Found out recently that right-clicking on the send ‘arrow’ in Teams chat lets you schedule the message to be sent at a later time of your choosing. And yes I’m heavily abusing this feature.
dr frankenstein: it’s alive!
igor: great! what should we name him
dr frankenstein: uh we won’t
igor: idk might lead to some confusion
dr frankenstein: it will literally never come up
HER: Did you see the lunar eclipse?
ME: I would miss Jesus Christ himself returning in a cloud of flames if it happened before 7 a.m.
Establish dominance by walking around a Spirit Halloween dressed as Santa Claus.
britain’s three elite institutions
Was putting away laundry and spotted this betrayal in my wife’s closet. Troubling times my friends, troubling times.