animation is NOT for kids. animation is for nobody. drawings have no business moving like that
A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink.
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me: dinosaurs can’t talk
her: how do u know
me: they’re all dead, barb
The first rule of Hide a Vegetable in a Sentence Club is always be true to yourself.
One of my favorite things about sports is when they put the designated object in the designated area ahhhh what a rush
Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they’re storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It’s a lot funnier when they say it.
Stop staring lady, I was meowing at your cat.
No one takes their job more seriously than the guy that glues down the start of the toilet paper roll.
Don’t tell me I can hear the ocean if I put a shell up to my ear. If he has something to say to me SAY IT TO MY FACE U PIECE OF SHIT WATER
Me, at 15: I’m going to change the world!
Me, at 25: I’m going to change the workforce!
Me, at 35: I’m going to change out of my pajamas tomorrow.
Husband: You cut your hair!
H: It looks good! I like it!
Me: I cut my hair 3 weeks ago.