A small child could swim through the veins of a blue whale’s heart. Let’s make this happen.

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[Andes’ plane crash survivors diary]
Day 1: Gary’s cheering us up telling jokes
Day 2: Same jokes
Day 4: We all hate Gary
Day 6: We ate Gary


[Justice League HQ]

SUPERMAN: Looks like Batman is hungry tonight

MOTHMAN: [visibly sweating] I think I’ll just fight daytime crimes


Back in my day we had another word for selfie sticks, we called them friends.


Welcome to your 40s. Your expensive designer shoes are prescription.


It is snowing perfect snowball packing snow right now, so I was wondering if anyone would like to walk slowly past my house?


My family has been giving each other the same eight gift bags since 1973.


Border Security does NOT think it’s funny when you reply,

“I’m hungry”

when they ask you if you have anything to declare.