There’s no way that Cinderella was treated like shit her entire life, then a prince tells her he loves her & she wasn’t like “yeah right.”
ad: this vacuum cleans the worst messes
toddler: hold my cheerios
toddler: *drops cheerios*
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They said if gay marriage became legal, people would start marrying dogs and cats, but I guess that was just another bs political promise.
[INVENTION OF BABIES]
GOD: Ok so, make them neediest during their first year, but don’t give them any comprehensible language skills until, like, way later lol
ANGEL: *Noticeably distressed*
Gave money to a homeless man. A stranger lectured me on how he’s just going to spend it on drugs and alcohol..
Yeah, OK. Like I wasn’t.
*Working at an Amazon warehouse is fun and not at all stressful”
John Wick: contract killer
John Wink: lady killer 😉
The key to doing well at wordle is to think Britishly
DATE: I want someone that’s mysterious & really into nature
Don’t be fooled – orca whales are just penguins set to widescreen 16:9 instead of the usual 4:3.
I’m a dad so I love talking about meat rubs but I’m also a 14yo so I giggle inside when I do.