@lmegordon 1st snow: let’s play in the snow!
2nd snow: let’s watch movies about snow.
3rd snow: let’s move.
@StruggleDisplay After weeks of late night cheese benders…Brenda couldn’t help but wonder…where did it all go wrong
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@lmegordon 
@BillPelicanBros I’ve got a black eye, a $200 fine and I’ve been listed on a register…turns out taking candy from a baby wasn’t so easy after all.
@Mike_Bianchi What if Adele was calling from inside the house?!
@Contwixt “I can’t feel my legs”
–mermaids
@HiddleDeeDee Going to a wedding today:
Me: Do I look ok boys?
6: You look fine.
9: You look wow.Clearly I have work to do with the little one.
@jojipaints Therapists only want one thing and frankly it’s discussing.
@SarcasticSadOne Any movie can be a Christmas movie if you eat 37 sugar cookies while watching.
@batkaren if you actually do the calculations, it turns out movies always give the wrong answers for equations because otherwise they owe a royalty to math
@Book_Krazy Me: Both of our hamsters died and we just can’t part with them
Taxidermist: Would you like them mounted?
Me: Um no, just holding hands
@chino_lol [First date]
So what do you do for a living?
“I’m a florist”
WHY DON’T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT’S LAVA?