@StruggleDisplay

After weeks of late night cheese benders…Brenda couldn’t help but wonder…where did it all go wrong

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@lmegordon

1st snow: let’s play in the snow!

2nd snow: let’s watch movies about snow.

3rd snow: let’s move.

@BillPelicanBros

I’ve got a black eye, a $200 fine and I’ve been listed on a register…turns out taking candy from a baby wasn’t so easy after all.

@HiddleDeeDee

Going to a wedding today:

Me: Do I look ok boys?
6: You look fine.
9: You look wow.

Clearly I have work to do with the little one.

@jojipaints

Therapists only want one thing and frankly it’s discussing.

@SarcasticSadOne

Any movie can be a Christmas movie if you eat 37 sugar cookies while watching.

@batkaren

if you actually do the calculations, it turns out movies always give the wrong answers for equations because otherwise they owe a royalty to math

@Book_Krazy

Me: Both of our hamsters died and we just can’t part with them

Taxidermist: Would you like them mounted?

Me: Um no, just holding hands

@chino_lol

[First date]
So what do you do for a living?
“I’m a florist”
WHY DON’T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT’S LAVA?