What idiot called it a scarf and not a necromancer??
Airport moving sidewalks are great for when you only want to feel like George Jetson for 10 seconds before you’re back to Fred Flintstone.
You Might Also Like
Genius move, Romeo & Juliet, for killing yourselves instead of getting married and spending the rest your lives wanting to kill each other.
“It was M. Day Shyamalan all along!” – The ultimate twist
Little kids are like sponges: always damp, little bits of food stuck all over them, faint smell of mildew…
I feel so envious when I see young mothers pushing their babies in strollers. I want my OWN…..my own stroller & someone to push me.
I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom… Then I discovered twitter.
some days you look in the mirror and all you see is a Botero painting
Earth is indeed bipolar, but it’s not a disorder.
Officer: “didn’t you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?”
Me: “yes I did officer. But this isn’t my car”
It’s absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*