I’m convinced that blame is the fastest human reflex.
Alcohol because no great conversation ever started over a salad !
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If you ever hire workmen for anything, it’s CRITICAL you sniff their armpits at the end of the day to make sure you got your money’s worth.
So aliens build high-tech spacecraft & travel thousands of light years just to give random people colonoscopies?
When I’m feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don’t seem so bad.
Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought “damn so easily entertained” then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min.
Do dolphins have tattoos of single mothers on their arses?
Just found out men don’t need prostate exams till at least 40. I think my doctor has a lot of explaining to do.
Don’t worry about video games causing violence. That would require leaving the couch and interacting with reality.
Elton John: 🎵Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday🎵
Me: Jesus Christ, we’re just going bowling.
ten years ago we had Jason Shoes, Carl Shirt and Daniel Problem. now we have no shoes no shirt no problem welcom to dennys what can i get u