@Stexcy

Alcohol won’t solve my problems, but neither will milk or orange juice.

You Might Also Like

@Boleyngirly

When someone asks “You know what I think?”, I say “Yes I do”. End of discussion.

@Elifcello

My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.

@Kobbejaeger

It’s possible to suck at everything if you put your mouth to it.

@Lisa_Laughs_

My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!

@Halbeerz

If I like my job am I a “gruntled” employee??

@TheLemon_

I’m happy with it shorter, the ladies seem to like it that way.

-me to my barber

@samalmightysam

Maybe Aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

@JermHimselfish

Kids today will never know the horror that would come from seeing a payphone start ringing suddenly in the middle of the night.