Alexa is the ouija board I won’t allow in my own house, but will use in yours.

You Might Also Like


Everyone in Canada is really pretty which means I should probably move there


Why do people send an @ just to be nasty. Oh yeah, because they are thick dumb cunts who have no life. Glad I cleared that up.


They say you should eat 6 small meals a day to lose weight so being an overachiever I have been eating 26 a day.


*swivels around in evil chair*
*evil laugh*
*pets evil cat*
*evil cat laughs*
*jumps out of evil chair*
“Holy shit, that cat just laughed!”


Is a guy eating peach halves the equivalent of a chick eating a banana?

Asking for a friend…

…but hurry up, I’m almost to the checker


Home buyer: I want to live close to nature!

*wildlife shows up*

Home buyer: Not like that.


I drive with my hands at ten and two, but they’re crossed.


Welcome to your 40s. Your expensive designer shoes are prescription.