ME: *seductively removes her G-string*
HER: Could you please just hurry up and finish restringing my guitar?
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*passes thru suburbs* roll up ur window, son. this is a bad neighborhood. this is where ppl who comment on newspaper articles live
For sale: car. Does not stop. You will have to jump in as I jump out. I have been driving this car for three years. Please help me
You know you are Canadian when 0°c and sunny is beautiful warm day…
Can I buy you a drink?
“I don’t drink.”
*panics* Oh. Um…well, here’s $12.
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~The monster under my bed
[goes back to Target just for the things I forgot]
cashier: that’ll be $337.48 and can you describe the children
Mediocrites was not the greatest hero from Greek mythology, but nor was he the worst