Don’t assume Wal-Mart sells walls. Unless you want an argument about existential reality with an 85-year-old greeter.
aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out
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My neighbours just submitted a petition that I stop setting traps for stray pigs after I caught my 16th police man today.
Fun fact: if you say “I did the math,” nobody argues with you because they don’t want to have to redo the math themselves.
[5 minutes after being trapped in an elevator]
Finally, an excuse to drink my own urine
Types of shit:
3) Knee deep in
7) Full of
9) Piece of
11) I don’t give a
One time I met a karate instructor who didn’t have a ponytail so I called the police
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption “it’s cold” could you tell me more about that
Diet day 1
I have removed all the bad food from the house.
It was delicious.
breaking: earthling wins 70th consecutive miss universe title
It is true. Time flies when you are having fun.
However it is also true that Time eventually rests on a tree branch and shits on your head.