@SamSkinnerKC “So You’ve Been Drinking and You Think You Can Dance?”
That is definitely a reality show I would watch.
@iamkits All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn’t eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.
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@SamSkinnerKC 
@metickleu For those that worship cheese..
@PaperWash Remember kids, those light up sneakers won’t seem so cool when wolves are chasing you through the woods at night.
@E_lok44 The only lyrics I can make out in the song “Informer” are “Hey farrrrmer…something….a leaky boom boom cow”.
Not 100% sure though.
@AndyAsAdjective TRUMP: i’m the greatest man who ever lived
GUY WHO CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR THE TINY ONION VOLCANOS AT JAPANESE STEAKHOUSES: bitch please
@longwall26 *Paul Ryan watches a children’s hospital explode*
Hhhhmmm, an affordable source of heat and light
@IAmYardDad Wife: What essential oil will help me sleep?
Me: Chloroform
@RiotGrlErin most villains can be defeeted with a simple bone saw.
@SortaBad No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
@Mandiatrandom1 *takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache
CW: *hands me 5 Advil*
Woah there brother I’m not about to OD here, 2 will do