The ruling that legal papers can now be “served” on Facebook is ridiculous. Don’t they know the people they’re looking for are on twitter?
Always blow your man. Pamdé went two weeks without blowing Anakin and we all know what happened to that dude.
You Might Also Like
Me: what are we doing today
Trainer: let work on your forearms.
Me: but I only have 2
Me: *whispers* I only have 2?
I bet that in China they tattoo themselves with stupid shit in English.
I hate when I toss some cold pizza in the microwave, check Twitter real quick and when I come back I’ve missed 3 mortgage payments.
Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold
PUNCH McEXPLODEY CAR MAN
*fade to black*
Wife: “I’d do anything for a cupcake.”
*drives to store*
*brings home cupcakes*
*discovers “anything” includes lying*
If you wanna go and take a ride with me with three women in the floor with the goat cheese.
A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.
[Travels back in time]
Me: Abe, what do you think America looks like in the future?
Lincoln: United as one nation…
Me: Wrong! FATTER.
Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up?
Wife: No reason.
Wife: Here, taste this.