@LoveNLunchmeat

Am I joking? Yes. Absolutely.
Do I also mean it? Yes. Absolutely.

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@bridger_w

Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you’re doing it?

@GMPaiella

I found an old set of stationary I ordered when I was 10 … will be using it for all future business correspondence

@TwinSurvivalist

[Husband 911]
Me: I just shattered the gravy boat.
911: She’ll kill you.
M: I know.
911: We never spoke.
M: What?
911: Good luck
* Click *

@JennSlowpez

I’m watching a documentary about show chickens and I think I found my people.

@mommajessiec

6yo: What does it feel like to be invisible?

Me: (on toilet) I wish I knew.

@BigMedwards

If you ever get arrested, lighten the mood by pretending to go for his gun.

@GrantTanaka

kale is so versatile, it can literally fit into any trash can

@SadieSkyNinja

I’ve dated a guy who collected stained glass and wore bowling gloves so don’t talk to me about standards.

@LoveNLunchmeat

Having your 9 year old daughter pack for a sleepover is a great idea, as long as you’re fine with her taking 17 stuffed unicorns and no socks.

@kelkulus

Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.