@manofletterz

Am I the only one that still asks barking dogs if there’s someone stuck at the bottom of a well?

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@Tobi_Is_Fab

I want my leggings so high waisted I can pull them up over my head and wear them as a hood

@TheAlexNevil

I put hydrogen peroxide on a cut to show 7 it doesn’t MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THIS STUFF MADE FROM THE BLOOD OF PIRANHAS?! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!

@zachary_lampley

Dad Dinosaur: Look son a shooting star make a wish!

Angsty Teen Dinosaur: I wish it would hit us and kill us all.

@iwearaonesie

*walks by HR door for 11th time to see if she’s not there so I can take some candy off her desk*
HR: Do you need something Josh?
me: Nope

@QwertyJones3

HILLARY CLINTON: Putin wants a puppet as the US president

KERMIT THE FROG: YAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!

@OzKamal

Synonym rolls all look different but taste the same

@chuuew

I’m not sure if this snake is trying to ask me a question or if he’s just eaten a candy cane.

@robfee

“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”

@bryanmcc74

Since joining twitter I’ve started 2 new collections ………. Dust and cobwebs !